How can a memory create something new?
I am propelled forward by what has come before
I refuse this – this stagnant propulsion.
I’d rather go nowhere else, if not somewhere new
I would just as soon be still and die right where I stand
Than continue down this path of sameness!
I did not come to be guided and molded by what was already here
Nor did I come to be a follower of the dictates of others
It is because of this that I have lost my clarity of sight
To travel the unknown is to be veiled in darkness and uncertainty
From this point forward, let me go in blindness
I will be the spark that lights the way, one step at a time
And to all the hungry travelers I meet upon my way
With your slouching shoulders and your drooping mouth
As you crouch along your safely lighted path
I will scream a song of death to you as I go by
Perhaps it will be enough to kill you where you stand
And you too can rise in blindness bearing witness to a world anew!
I can see Solomon from where I Am
In this time of mine so far removed
Yet there he is none the less lamenting
What a travesty that him and I could
Not meet and cry between us
All the useless trappings of man
I would demand – “show me this god of yours
Who gives wisdom knowledge and joy”
Yet he would not see Him in Me
Because he never caught the wind
Though it Be inside him all along
For all his wisdom – did he never
Think to look there?
Her name was deception,
And she wore the mantle of pretense like no other.
There were daggers hidden in those pearls of white
That smile cuts deep – beyond any place of earthly healing.
She brandished her manipulations veiled in compliments.
Each one a burrowing maggot of uncertainty,
Rotting the flesh that once thrived.
Killing relationships, one by one,
Her own insecurity driving each death!
~ And the fishing! Oh, that fishing!
First she lured you in with carefully crafted concern,
And once that bait was taken, she jerked the line
That she so callously tethered to your heart!
The hook was torn with malice as she tossed you away,
The love she scorned left swirling in a pretty pool of red!
~ And the reflection! Oh that hideous reflection!
For the first time I see what I had refused to see!
Her face! Not the phony, pretty, pretending one,
But the one behind the lie – with the grimace that she hides.
It is marred by derision and fear. Now I see
That awful, suspicious, cold heart of wanting!
~ And my outstretched hand in a state of pause!
I wanted so much to believe the lie.
How I wish I could unknow a thing – To put back that apple!
But now it can’t be helped.
One day I will surprise that liar.
I will strike that fakeness, and watch that porcelain
Mask shatter to ruins at my feet
My red palm dripping into a pretty pool of red
Revealing at last that things which are seen
Are not always made of the things which do appear!
Wrongdoers eagerly listen to gossip;
liars pay close attention to slander.
I came to the shallow grassy moor
Where the stagnant waters stilled
And the stale air the breeze did wield
Stoned me with the heaviness that it bore
Crestfallen as I had come to Be
Flowing away – my strength did yield
I found myself falling – dying on that field
Laden with grief, and nowhere to flee
Down I went kneeling in those untamed reeds
As all my worldly notions – they were killed
In the emptiness that found me – Truth revealed
“The only seed is Love, it fills all needs”
I was alighted in that moment on the moor
Where my life was stopped, and stilled
My heart brimming with mercy as it healed
And Loved me with the heaviness that it bore
I watched that last leaf as it took its final spin
She danced to the very end, that one
And I marveled at her glory, her now golden brilliance
She spent her youth in summer, dazzling in the sun
Playing with others who had joined her there in that tree
And when the wind beat upon them all
There was no sorrow found in the tumult
Instead they used what was sent, joining together
Creating a music of their own
And me, in the hammock listening to the Divine
It was the harmony of heaven sent down
It was for me that she danced on that limb
Being as grateful as I was, I couldn’t help but tear
Each season brings new joy, ushered in by a departure
Reaching, always reaching forward as it comes
The world is always making room for more
There is never a taking away, only an expansion – a growing
I can feel it – the world Loving me
As she takes away, she also gives
I ponder this as I watch my summer friend take her leave
It is a slow and dazzling descent –
Graceful, full of beauty – without remorse for the end
There is only a pure thankfulness emanating in this moment
And the earth feels it, and responds
The fierceness of the wind startles me, like a funnel of fury
She grabs hold and lifts, lifts, lifts!
And that final dance finds no end
As that fiery brilliance flies home to heaven.
I disappear into myself
Not knowing where it is
That I go – that no space
There is wholeness here
That does not exist outwardly
In the world where I split myself
Into tiny bits and scatter about
Pieces of Me – one to each
Those who want nothing more than
A little mirror in which they
Might see a tiny fragment of themselves
Yet – when I meditate
All those gifts return to me
Though they be sharpened
By the splinter – Every shard
Set back in place as though I
Was never made to be broken
In order that I might be shared
I saw them there among the caskets,
Buried deeply ‘neath the hard packed earth
And the sleepers in their tombs bedded down
Their slumbers, forgotten as they turn to bone
And yet the many open holes were dug and left
A site no one other than me seemed to see
The people gathering, one by one – dropping deep
Into the slow death of life – and no one heard them
As they screamed from their open graves.
She spoke no English – I, no Russian.
But we sat in silent smiles,
drinking tea – the years making us friends.
One day, dropping the kids at school,
“it’s froggy out,” she said. I pause, then nod,
“Yes my friend, it is froggy out.”
“Gift certifercate,” she said.
What? I asked. “I need a gift
certifercate.” Standing beside me
in his unknowingness, he corrected her.
Me quickly jabbing him in the side, interjecting,
“Right my friend, gift certifercate.”
Memories of friends long moved on –
The blending of lives and loves, of cultures –
Words melding with new meaning –
Little gems that glow and glint my mind –
Endearing the past to my present with joy –
By way of froggy days and gift certifercates.
So come! Come with me my love, and sit
awhile more – let us remember those
small treasures, those flawless imperfections
that entangle us so completely in our humanism.
Let us muse a little longer of days past
As we linger here in your favorite anacondriack chair!
Rest is a wonderful respite
When the battle has been
Hard fought and long
Those demons were never mine
Beliefs long held and pressed
Upon me like death that
Choked away my spirit
Making me in its likeness
How I hated myself
I have since discarded those
Rags worn like robes by others
Resting now only attired
In what was always beneath
– My Golden Skin
There are boxes and boxes filled
To the brim with people – in droves
They go to their own demise
Thinking how clever they are to have
Outsmarted god with their goodness
Not knowing that No One ever achieved
Wholeness by denying half of themselves